The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Ketchup is God's man juice
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
