I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
