you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize