Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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