you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
