No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
