All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Two words: nipple clamps
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