You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Randomize
