Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
