If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
