he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
