I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
