I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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