I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
