everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Randomize
