the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
