Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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