coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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