Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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