Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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