erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
