My friends, they love my intelligence
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
