I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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