Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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