I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
