The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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