I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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