Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
