I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
our cab driver is having phone sex.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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