if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Randomize
