Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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