I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
