Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
