Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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