I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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