A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
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