dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
