Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
