Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
