Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
