After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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