I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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