based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
