Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
