Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
