Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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