i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
