I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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