Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
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