No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
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