Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
this will be a night to untag.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
