I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
