halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
