if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Randomize
