Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
