he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Randomize
