i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
