we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Randomize
