fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
