Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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