Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Randomize