I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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