He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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