i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
i drank out of a bidet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
