shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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