Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
