chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
