How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
