a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
