he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
